


( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

by Chococat_tan



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Ambiguous father for Laslow, Awkward discussions about your retainer's sex life, Bless Laslow's dancer body, Blink and you miss it Libra/Tharja, I don't think it is, Is it Robin or Chrom?, It doesn't matter though, Laslow is bi, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Niles/Laslow is established in the bonus, Niles/Laslow tag is really lacking, Not Beta Read, Not a crack fic, Save Niles and Xander
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 14:33:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10901325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chococat_tan/pseuds/Chococat_tan
Summary: "Now that I think about it, I’ve always been more successful with men. I guess I’m not much of a ladykiller but more of a maneater.”





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    Laslow sighed in defeat as he entered the dining hall, acknowledging the greetings he received with passive nod. With a heavy heart, he sat next to Odin and slammed his face against the table. Selena, who was across from the two, and Odin flinched at the sheer loudness of the sound. Odin tapped the shoulder of his friend to see if he was alright.

    “The gods have not smiled upon you today?” the dark mage asked. “Do tell what brings trouble to my eternal rival, the famed Laslow of Indigo Skies?”

    Laslow let out a muffled sound that was an odd mix of groan and the call of a whale before turning his head to the side to look at Odin. “I decided to have a little friendly contest with Saizo again and ran into the loveliest group of ladies earlier but they all flocked to him as if he was some hunk of meat waiting to be served,” Laslow whined. “It’s not fair!”

Selena let out a huff and crossed her arms. “Face it Laslow, women just don’t like you like that, myself included. You flirted with just about everything with a skirt, twice even, making all of your attempts to woo them seem empty. It’s tasteless.”

“Maybe you’re right,” Laslow said, sitting up. “It’s time to accept women don’t like me romantically and that I’ll never find a lovely wife. I’ve hit the bottom of the barrel with women. I guess there’s only one thing I can do now.”

“Accept that you’ll be a virgin forever and join a monastery to become a priest?” Selena suggested jokingly.

“What?” Laslow said as he stood up. “Gods no Selena although being a priest never stopped Libra from helping to conceive Noire. Besides I’ve been deflowered for a while. Anyways I’ll be off for now.”

Selena and Odin bid their friend goodbye before returning to their food but after a moment of silence to process what Laslow said passed, the two dropped their spoons when startling realization hit them.

_“When did he lose his virginity or rather who did he lose it to?!”_

* * *

 

    “Odin! Selena!” Charlotte shouted as she marched up to them on the training grounds, dropping her delicate flower facade completely. The two retainers stopped their sparring session abruptly and turned towards her.

    “What is it Charlotte?” Selena asked.

    “Get your friend checked,” she demanded angrily. “There’s something wrong with Laslow. He came waltzing into town so I thought I’d greet him and perhaps have him take me to the new café I’ve been eyeing lately since he usually bends himself backwards for a beautiful lady but you know what he did instead?”

    “What has Laslow done?” Odin asked.

    “He brushed me off!” Charlotte fumed. “Can you believe the nerve of that man? That’s not the only thing he did either! Prior to his arrival, there was this nobleman I was trying to attract the interest of and I was making progress with him too but you know what happened? All Laslow had to do was throw him a greeting with that smile of his and twirl his hair flirtatiously and before I even knew it, they both leave me behind to have a tea date at that café I wanted to go to!”

    Odin and Selena stared at each other before looking back at Charlotte with doubt written on their face. Charlotte noticed their skepticism and placed her hands on her hips. “You don’t believe me?” she asked.

“No it’s not that,” Selena said. “But...you’re trying to tell us that Laslow, _our_ Laslow, the womanizing flirt who has gotten his wallet stolen and himself tied to a tree more times than anyone should in their life because of his weakness towards women, not only brushed you off but successfully landed a date with some man, a nobleman, that you’ve been flirting with only a smile and some flirtatious gesture.”

“It does sound a bit farfetched,” Odin agreed.

“Fine,” Charlotte said. “Don’t believe me but at least let me show you what I mean. They should still be at that café. After I show you, then you can decide for yourselves what to do about Laslow.”

    “There’s the café,” Charlotte pointed out. Selena and Odin took a step closer to it to see if they could get a better look at the patrons inside of the building. Just as they did so, Laslow and his date stepped out of the café. Selena, Odin, and Charlotte hid themselves behind a wall to not get caught spying on the two but they leaned in closer their direction to hear what they were saying better.

    “I had a lovely time with you Laslow,” the nobleman said. “I don’t think I have ever met anyone who takes interest in such a wide range of topics and can talk so passionately about them. You’re quite the gentleman too, very pleasant to be around be and if I may shamelessly add, you’re quite easy on the eyes.”

    “Oh please you’re making me flustered,” Laslow said as blush dusted his cheeks. “I don’t deserve so much praise from you. You’re a lovely person too which makes me even more embarrassed since I’m being complemented by such an amazing person. Why if I didn’t any better, you’re just praising me because you’re so kind.”

    “No,” the nobleman denied. “I’m being honest. You’re a wonderful person and if you’d like, maybe we can do this again sometime.”

    “That sounds wonderful and I think I would enjoy that very much,” Laslow said.

    “Until our next date, I will wait eagerly and patiently for you,” the nobleman declared cheerfully before placing a chaste kiss on Laslow’s knuckles. “Goodbye for now my dear. I hope you have a good evening.”

    Laslow bid him goodbye and the two parted ways. The retainer started heading back to the castle, unbeknownst to him that he was being watched the entire time. Odin and Selena stared at his retreating figure with widen eyes, in disbelief at the scene before them while Charlotte wore a triumphant grin.

    “I told you I was right although I never knew he was so good with men,” she commented, slightly impressed. “It seems that I have some competition.”

    Odin and Selena made no comment on that but instead they asked themselves “Was that really Laslow?”

* * *

 

    It was dinnertime by the time Selena and Odin returned as Charlotte had parted ways with them earlier to do her own thing. They walked into the dining hall, spotting the third member of their trio chatting up some of their allies at one of the tables. Selena and Odin pulled out a chair sat next to him.

    “Good evening you two,” Laslow greeted. “I haven’t seen you two since breakfast.”

    “I would imagine since you were so busy on your date today,” Selena said.

    “Oh,” Laslow said, realizing he’s been found out. “Well do you blame me for accepting his invitation to the date? He was quite a lovely gentleman.”

    “Laslow are just getting desperate now?” Selena asked. “Will anyone do for you now that women are out of the equation? Are you willing to have anyone help you warm your bed?”

    “What?” Laslow said, furrowing his eyebrows. “No that’s not true at all Selena. I like both women and men. I’ve always enjoyed the company of men. I just haven’t been quite open about it as I have with been about women. It’s just more tricky with men since you’re never sure if they swing that way or not. It was the same thing back home. Take Gerome for example. I wasn’t sure if he liked me or not, especially since you know how quiet, dark, brooding, and mysterious he is, but apparently he did which was good since I harbored a crush for him at the time.”

    “Wait you and Gerome?!” Odin exclaimed. “You two dated?! When did this happen? Now that I think about it, he always did treat you a bit differently from the rest of us and oh dear Naga...didn’t you two used to share a tent and sometimes go to the forest together late at night?”

    Laslow’s face became red and he let out a cough before turning his head away. He let out a mumble, saying “Let’s just say I danced for him in more ways than one and his wyvern wasn’t the only thing he let me ride.” Selena let out a snort at the implications of this.

    “You power bottomed?”

“No comment.”

    “Gerome deflowered you,” she said. “Good to know he had it in him. I’ve always thought he’d be the last to get laid since he never acted interested in anything other than his wyvern. At least he wasn’t a complete prude. Who would have thought you and him though but did your sister know about you two?”

    “Of course not,” Laslow answered. “To this day, she still doesn’t know. You know how overprotective she’s always been in regards to my love life. Could you imagine what she would do to him for deflowering me especially since we’re no longer dating? I am almost certain she would destroy him for ‘corrupting my purity and making me unfit for marriage.’ Alternately, she’ll try to force him to take responsibility for his actions.”

    “Wait,” Odin said. “Just out of curiosity since it’s going to bother me if I don’t ask, exactly how many people have you been intimate with?”

    “It depends on what you mean,” Laslow replied. “If you mean how many people I’ve done it all the way with, there has only been Gerome. I’ve fooled around with some others but they never went far. If you mean those people then I guess the number would be at around ten or so. All of these people have been men except for like two. Now that I think about it, I’ve always been more successful with men. I guess I’m not much of a ladykiller but more of a maneater.”

    “My my, that’s quite unexpected of you Laslow,” a sultry voice purred into his ears.

“Niles!” Laslow shouted, almost falling out of his chair in surprise. “You startled me.”

“Did I?” Niles chuckled. “I’m sorry...well only a little. You know you’re quite fun to mess around with. I wonder what kind of faces you would make if I teased you more. Tell me, how would you react if I came onto you...in more ways than one. It gets me excited just thinking about it.”

“I-uh...umm...well,” Laslow stuttered, not knowing what to say. Honestly, his brain had short circuited out and he could feel his face heating up. It wouldn’t be much of a surprise if steam started to come from him. He wasn’t used to such lewd flirting. Sensing his friend’s discomfort, Odin decided to intervene.

“Niles my trusted partner in arms!” he exclaimed with his usual energy. “What brings you here? Perhaps Lord Leo is looking for me and requests I see him?”

“Yes,” Niles said, turning his attention away from Laslow. “Lord Leo wants to see both of us for something.”

“Alright,” Odin says, standing up. “Let us go to our prince. I bid goodbye to you two my trusted companion. May our paths cross again soon.”

Selena and Laslow bid the two goodbye and Leo’s retainers left the room. The moment they left, Laslow cupped his face with his hands to cover up his still red face. “How embarrassing,” he groaned.

“Aren’t you glad you’re so popular?” Selena asked teasingly.

“But it’s Niles,” Laslow reasoned. “That entire gimmick is just part of his personality. He does that to everyone, you included. Besides, even if it was actual flirting, I’m not good with his kind of flirting. They’re so scandalous! I never know how to respond. I just get so flustered...I can’t handle them even more than how I can’t handle praise. I know I shouldn’t react like this especially since I am also quite sure that Niles doesn’t see me in that way but I can’t help it. It must be genetic thing or at least on mother’s side anyways.”

“Don’t worry about it too much,” Selena reassured him. “I’m sure you’ll eventually build up a resistance to that kind of flirting especially since there’s plenty of men that are like that.”

“Oh gods,” Laslow said. “I haven’t even considered that. I never had to worry about that kind of flirting from men before. All the ones I knew were all gentlemen. How am I going to survive?”

“You’ll live,” Selena said. “If not we’ll just drag your dead body back home and hold you a funeral.”

* * *

 

    **Bonus**

    Xander walked through the hallways of the castle on his way to the training grounds. He had made a promise to have a friendly sparring match with Ryoma the other day. On his way there, he spotted one of his brother’s retainers sitting in a corner his face hidden in his hands. Xander never had the time really talk to his brother’s retainers before other than when they had been appointed to Leo. He figured lending them an ear would be a good opportunity as any to get to know them better.

    “Niles what is the matter?” he asked.

    “Ah Prince Xander,” Niles said, looking up. “There’s nothing wrong...there’s just one thing that is making me rethink all the choices I made in life.”

    “What is it?” Xander asked. “It bothers me as much as it will bother my brother to see you so troubled.”

    “Well then,” Niles said with a cough to clear his throat. “It’s about...your retainer. I hope you know which one I’m talking about. Anyways, you, among other people, know that we are currently dating right? Well, some time ago he expressed some...concerns about our relationship and I tried to ease his worries about them. They were met with mixed results.”

    “Yes I am aware that you are dating Laslow,” Xander said. “He had concerns in regards to your relationship you say? I hope it is not about being about fearing me disapproving your relationship because I would never.”

    “No it’s nothing like that,” Niles admitted. “His concerns were about our sex life or lack of one anyways.”

    “Oh,” Xander said with a grimace. He felt his face heating up. When he decided to listen to Niles, of all the possibilities he could have thought of he had not expected to have this sort of discussion about his retainer with his brother’s retainer. Xander braced himself to hear the details, no matter how embarrassing they may be.

    “Well saying there is a lack of sex life actually isn’t true anymore…” Niles confessed. In Xander’s mind, he was banging his face against a wall repeatedly. What had he gotten himself into? He didn’t need to hear about such raunchy stories about his retainer, least of all one about his sex life with his brother’s retainer who was well known for his lewd personality. Xander may never be able to look at Laslow straight in the eye again which was particularly troubling since he would have a hard time staring him down.

    “Well what happened?” Xander asked and mentally slapped himself for asking immediately afterwards.

    “Last night...,” Niles started. “We decided to ‘make love’ as he put it and well...as I said it was met with mixed results. We did the deed and now I have certain thoughts about it.”

    “Was it because it wasn’t good?” Xander asked and he prayed to every god he knew that Laslow would find it in heart to forgive him for talking about him in this way or better yet, never find out about this conversation.

    “No,” Niles answered. “That’s actually quite far from the truth. He was the excellent in bed and gave me the best lap dance I’ve ever received too. He looked ethereal without clothes to hide his naked form and I feel so blessed by his strong legs and thighs that I believe are a result of his nightly dance practices along with stamina. He lasted much, much longer than I thought and that right there is actually my trouble. I fear I won’t be able to keep up if we continue to have sex in the future.”

    “Oh,” Xander said, slightly impressed that Laslow was able to tire out _Niles_ of all people but also greatly regretting everything that led up to this point. He _really_ didn’t need to know how his retainer was in bed. “I see your dilemma but I don’t know what I can do about it. I apologize for my incompetence.”

“It’s alright,” Niles reassured him. “I am grateful that you would lend me your ear. I’ll figure something out eventually. Anyways, I’ve kept you long enough. I will be taking my leave now. Have a good day Prince Xander.”

Xander returned his farewell and left for the training ground. He wished nothing more than to forget this entire conversation but before he did that, he supposed making a quick stop to see if a particular potion was available wouldn’t hurt.

* * *

 

    “Niles my partner in arms!” Odin shouted as he entered Niles’ room, carrying a box.

    “What is it Odin?” Niles asked. “Although next time I would appreciate it if you knock. You never know what I might be doing in here after all. What’s in the box?”

    “Prince Xander personally requested I, the chosen one, give it to you,” Odin said. “He said it will help with your stamina and that he hopes you will put it to good use. Is this for training?”

    “It’s more a kind of training,” Niles said, realizing exactly what the potion was for. “Tell him thank you for the potion and that I’ll _definitely_ put it to good use.”

**Author's Note:**

> #NoRegrets
> 
> I like pairing Laslow with a lot a people. He's just so shippable. Some of my favorite pairs for him are with Gerome, Xander, Saizo, Azura, Keaton, Kaze, and myself among other people lol


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